Flat Pop (From the Archive): Hostile Visitors

Originally posted March 13, 2008:

So last night, I answered the door and there was a pair of asian guys in suits waiting outside. I didn't want to deal with Jehovah's Witnesses and I already had a well-thumbed-through copy of the Watchtower in the bathroom, so I shut the door on them — or that was the plan.

One of them stuck his foot in the door and even though I had all 83 pounds of my weight and sinewy muscle against the door, they somehow forced their way in. From the floor, I begged them to take anything they want, just don't kill me, and one of them said, "We would like to play!"

The other guy took something white out of the briefcase that he had handcuffed to his wrist and flipped it onto the couch. They both bowed low to me, then got into their blue and white Smart car and drove off into the night, leaving me cowering in a pool of terror sweat and urine.

And that's how I finally got my Nintendo Wii. True story!